Tips From a Poor Graduate Student: On Being Poor

So, you're poor. We all know you would rather spend those student loans on that ski pass, rather than food or other necessities, so here I will outline my personal sacrifices I make to save money. I am beginning to think that being poor, at least for a little while, is good for you; my dad would agree.

Turn your thermostat down. Mine is at 60 right now. This has several benefits. First, you will get use out of those slippers and all those blankets and sweaters you only used sometimes before. Second, you will get used to the cold much faster in the winter. This is useful for when you go skiing!!! Third, your cats will get nice and fluffy winter coats, and may start sleeping under the covers with you. Then you will have a purring, furry heating pad. Downsides to this is that it is COLD.

Go on a diet. You will save money on food, lose the weight you may have gained during or after college when you were not so poor, and then when you have lost weight, it will be cheaper to maintain! Then, you can also spend more money on booze. Make sure you are not replacing your caloric reduction in food with caloric intake in alcohol, because that just doesn't work.

Insulate your water heater and turn down the temp. I have yet to do this, but it is a very sensible thing to do. Water has a super high heating capacity, and any benefit you think you may get from having your water heater give off heat is WRONG. You are wasting gas trying to keep all this damn water warm. If you are so cold, just turn up your thermostat, you pussy. Or bake more. Also, turn down the temp on the water heater. In theory, I think that you don't need the water any hotter than what you would shower in. Then you won't have to turn the cold water on at all. I don't know if this actually saves money, because then you are using all the water up in your water heater faster, but it seems like a good idea. At least turn your water heater down a little. I will do the calcs for you at some point. Or I will suggest to my dad to do it. *hint hint*

Get a cheap fucking car. My car is awesome. It is paid off, it hardly has any problems ever, and the insurance on it is SO CHEAP. Seriously, I just got a quote this morning. $141 for 6 months of coverage. Unreal. My car is going to last forever. It also helps to live in a town where you don't have to drive very often. I get gas less than once a month, so my car doesn't get used much => it will last longer! I am thinking about putting goldleaf on it, since I think it would be pretty, and lets be honest, I will never sell it. Til death do us part.

Develop a taste for a cheap alcohol. This is essential because drinking is very important in grad school. Cheap beer is hard for grad students to handle; we like micro-brews. I don't know why. I am allowed to drink PBR on occasion because I am from WI. Otherwise, I think I will start getting cheap wine again, though, because I do not mind it. My grandpa would be disappointed, but what do I care if it comes out of a box.

Use your disposable contacts for way longer than youre supposed to. The optometrist is lying to you anyway. I'm sure he is in the pocket of the corporations who make the contacts. I currently have one-a-day type contacts. I wore my last pair for three days (and then I slept in them last night, but that was an accident). Combined with glasses, my year-long supply of contacts will last me two, maybe three years if I'm lucky. Your parents may express concern for the health of your eyes, but just assure them that your young, healthy eyes are just that: Young and healthy. Take that, Corporate America! Plus, that red-eye look just makes your blue eyes look so much bluer! Kidding.

Share a wireless internet connection with neighbors. Seriously, this is such a great idea. I spent $13 a month on internet, because we split it three ways. It is awesome. The only problems arise when the guy leaves for a couple days, and the internet goes down and he's not home to reset the modem. It can be annoying to be without internet for a couple days. But just remind yourself that it is so goddamn cheap. You may have mixed feelings about torrenting on such a connection, but just do that under the cover of night so they don't know youre sucking up all the bandwidth. Another kick in the balls of corporate America. (I have recently decided that a real internet connection is probably fairly priced. It is like going to the movies like four nights a month, and you use the internet way more than that. Maybe that just shows that movies are overpriced?)

That's all for now. I have more sensible tips for some other time. Now, I have to get ready to go to an all day symposium on infectious diseases! Free food and booze, that's all you need to know. That's another tip I unknowingly put in there. Ha!